The old TOSS and TURN...

Well it is 4:00AM - yes - in the morning.........

Can't sleep. I decided to spare my hubs the constant toss and turn going on and found my way here. My mind is racing - lots of things on the brain I suppose - great things to be clear.

Chris and I went out on a little life planning date last night and set some goals for ourselves. It was a great night that started with Costa Vita and ended with a frozen hot chocolate (thanks a lot for that new addictive habit Jackie)! I have to say - I AM SO EXCITED! Between the food I mentioned - we talked about all the plans and dreams we want to make happen. I lucked out in a partner who is truly the best, most wonderful person I have ever met. I am one blessed devushka! And that has been on my mind all week...

On Sunday, it was fast and testimony meeting (a meeting where members of our faith can express their testimony and love for our church and the gospel we hold dear) and OF COURSE my heart was beating out of my chest. I knew I had to get up and honestly - didn't have a clue what I was going to say...If you know me, I am NOT a public speaker. (Just the thought makes my heart race and my hands shake - no joke!) But I am so glad I got up the nerve (and had my sweet niece Kayla visiting and a great neighbor Summer watching and wrangling my kids - Chris is in our wards bishopric and sits on the stand during this meeting). The subjects of following the spirit and the atonement came to mind...

I have been doing a lot of reflecting as we strongly feel like our lives are about to change - for the better - for several reasons we will fill you in on when the time is right. Thinking about where I have been, and where I am now - it's so humbling.

I have been lost and confused. I have had low times in my life. I have made mistakes. And though I regret not holding to Christ and his teachings during a short period of my life - I am so grateful I experienced it. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - I believe it. I am so grateful for the atoning sacrifice of my Savior, the tender mercies of God and his gospel. I am grateful that when we mess up - Christ helps us get back up and at times - carries us. (I swear there were times he just threw me over his shoulder like a sack of wheat - gearing up for the long haul.) I know he puts people in our lives to bless and help us...I have had so many of those. I honestly believe that when we put God first and trust that he has a plan for us - he will help and hold us. The consequences of our mistakes may be hard and heart breaking, but there can be a blessing in all things when we put Christ in charge...

I realize this is very personal to put on a blog - but I have never been an overly personal person. I feel a need to over-share to the world! :-) In the past few months we have really tried to look closely at our marriage, our goals, the way we want to raise our children and basically - who we are. In that process, have come to realize - I love me. No need to pretend I am someone I am not - because honestly - I am proud to be me, proud of who my husband is and proud that my children are the wonderful people they are. I love our life and we have so much to give. I truly love us. :-)

So now that it is 5:22AM, the birds are starting to sing, and I have spilled my thoughts (a post I may remove when I read it during normal business hours) I may try and sleep for a few hours before the kiddos are up. We have my two nieces staying with us for a few days so you can count on a party going on at my house! :-)

Post #15 - I need a Diet Coke right now...